LONG STRANGE TRIP

Well, this space has been rather silent over the last year. Sorta like I just dropped off the face of the earth. Much has happened since I last wrote an entry here.

Where to begin...

Well, I'm getting divorced. There I said it. It is not final yet. Lots of legal struggle ahead, I'm afraid but well...there ya have it.

I've been away from this space because the last thing I wanted to do was rant and rave on line. I needed time to figure out my own stuff: who I am if I am not a wife, what do I want my life to look like now that I am on my own, how did I end up in such an imbalanced relationship where I surrendered so much of myself for the sake of another. In the end I realized I was really unhappy in my relationship with my husband. I had needs that were never going to be met. I was empty. Now I am fulfilling. Yup, I am verbing it.

So what does that mean for Fleecenik Farm. How does one take a blog that was about herbalism, local living, gardening, homeschooling, wild crafting and general do-it yerselfed-ness ( new life, new vocabulary) and keep it going?

Do I want to keep it going? Yep, think I do.

Here is the thing. I still want to live this homesteading dream. Sure I have and will continue to make compromises. I've been alone on this land since last October. I struggle with learning all the things that Mark used to do. I struggle with the fact that try as I might I can only squeeze 24 hours out of a day. I struggle with the fact that, yes, I will have to find a job off the land. I struggle with the fact that I have been looking for a job for a while now and have yet to find one. I have an odd skill set that, as yet, has not translated into employment.

But, in the end, what has drawn me to this life style is the one thing that assures my success. I can live simply, I can grow my own food, I manage my time well and I am motivated to make it work.

Knowing this about myself I have had some successes over the last few months. I have really revved up my knitting business. I am in several artisan shops around Maine and I hope to have my stuff in a few more stores by the end of the summer. It is not providing significant income yet but by the fall I hope to be registered in several high-end craft fairs. The business is growing. It is just one piece of this puzzle. It is a significant one I am excited to watch grow.

I published a poem this past spring in a small poetry journal. I've been writing a lot of poetry. I used to write poetry all the time but blogging sorta filled that writing itch for me. Try as I might I just gotta write.

I am proud of Evan who learned to read this year. And Tristan is the fledgling standing on the edge of the nest flapping his wings. For the sake of his mother, let's all hope those wings catch some air soon:)

And so it goes...