I love the first seed catalog. It arrives in November just as the wood pile is starting to show a small dent. It is always in color just as the last hints of color have been scrubbed from the horizon. It says hope. This year more than other years. The last year has been a year of angst and turmoil. Separation, hopes of reconciliation, rediscovery of self as myself and not wife, job hunts, car woes, learning curves and shame at the condition of my gardens as life got so busy that the garden was at the bottom of the priority list.
And yet there is hope. Why? Because for the first time in ..oh…9 years…my wood is chopped, stacked and under cover before the snow flies. That's right! This girl got it done ( with a little help from the big kid)! I kinda think that when life is actually just one foot in front of the other and not a balancing act then it is easy to focus on what I find important. Either that or I am just going to get this done out of spiritual spite. Grit. The inevitable result of getting what you want is that you sometimes just have to do the work to keep it. In my heart I know that if I can keep a productive garden, boil some sap down, get my wood in, tend my apple trees, grow some meat birds and layers; somehow by all that effort I will be keeping the amount of actual money I need to get by on down. Not that I won't need some and at sometimes I will need a lot.
So this is the puzzle I will try to solve. Because right now I am challenged. Grace is something I am trying to tap into a lot of these days. Grace for me has always meant,"Karin, Try to walk across this floor without tripping." I am naturally clumsy unless dancing. But Grace can have this divine touch to it. It is facing hard times with composure, no catastrophizing. Not easy some days.
For example, I am now a member of a very exclusive club. I have my third car in one year and my second blown head gasket. I went through a couple of really challenging months with my prior car. I was blessed by the good neighbors and friends who gave me rides or let me borrow their cars. I was blessed with the generosity of my aunt and uncle in procuring the current car. Last Tuesday my new-to-me car started smoking. A bad habit for humans and cars. I now have to figure out what I should do next. I will look at this current predicament as a challenge. Single motherhood is always a test of problem solving skills. This current situation is not karma kicking me in the butt. I am a good person. I try to think of others, I work hard and I am a good mom. It is what it is.
So on this evening after I write this blog post I will go up stairs and knit some hats. I will be offering on my etsy shop a discount on hats. I normally sell my hats for 30.00. I will be offering my hats on etsy at the price of 25.00 plus shipping if you buy the car repair hat. The car repair hat will be listed in either masculine colors or feminine colors. They will be listed in sizes small, medium and large. All the wool is local to Maine. They are lined in an alpaca wool blend. The designs will be the surprise when you open your package.
And then tomorrow I will write my list of seeds that I will plant in my garden next spring.